


the way i wear my noose like a necklace

by infernum



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Hurt Klaus Hargreeves, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Pre-Canon, Underage Drug Use, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 03:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18769852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infernum/pseuds/infernum
Summary: Sometimes Klaus wonders if his mother ever thinks of him, if she ever reads the newspaper and knows which one is her son just from his jawline in the front-page photograph of the Umbrella Academy thwarting yet another villains nefarious plans. He doesn’t know if it’s worse if she does look and does know who he is but never tried to contact him, or if she does look but doesn’t know which one he is. Maybe she doesn’t look at all.





	the way i wear my noose like a necklace

**Author's Note:**

> um sooooooo i’m a klaus hoe i’m not even sorry. i needed to be a weeping bitch abt klaus for a hot minute lmao

It’s not that he specifically _wants_ to go out and get high as a fucking kite, it’s that he _needs_ to. It’s hard explaining that particular conundrum to his siblings so he doesn’t bother trying to anymore. Before—when he cared what they thought of him, when he actually gave a shit about trying his best and all that crap—he would have tried harder to get them to understand, but since Ben died and Klaus started maybe hallucinating Ben everywhere out of a misplaced sense of guilt, Klaus stopped giving a shit and really started to smell the child abuse and unhealthy family dynamics in the air.

They’re all sneaking glances out the sides of their eyes again, slowly chewing at their pancakes for breakfast while wondering where he was until only an hour or so ago. Sly looks at each other like they could read each other's minds, discovered it was part of their powers, and decided to leave Klaus out of it because who wants a novice junkie who's an expert in self-loathing and daddy issues translated into sexual encounters stuck rambling in their head all the time? Klaus doesn’t even want himself in his own head most of the time. His head is full of shit he shouldn’t have in it, what with all the stupid ( _desperate, scared, exhausted, confused_ ) dead ghosts screaming how they died and who maybe did it, where their body's rotting or who their next of kin is. So yeah, Klaus wouldn’t blame them if they had figured out mind reading abilities and didn’t tell him. Sounds smart, actually.

Dad— _Hargreeves, asshole, sir, baby buyer_ —is not subtly glancing at him. He’s straight up staring at Klaus with judgement and revulsion in his eyes. A common occurrence, for obvious reasons. Klaus is the major disappointment in the family, what with the drugs and alcohol numbing him from these magical powers of his, and the sex with strangers and all-nighters numbing him from the pain the drugs and booze inflicts on his body, as well as the pain of ever being a part of this family in the first place.

Sometimes Klaus wonders if his mother ever thinks of him, if she ever reads the newspaper and knows which one is her son just from his jawline in the front-page photograph of the Umbrella Academy thwarting yet another villains nefarious plans. He doesn’t know if it’s worse if she does look and does know who he is but never tried to contact him, or if she does look but doesn’t know which one he is. Maybe she doesn’t look at all. Maybe after she sold him off like he was fucking livestock, or a slab of meat that went wrong, she stopped thinking about him and hasn’t wondered about him since. Maybe she read about the whole Eiffel Tower fiasco, that whole fuck up with killing the literal Parisian Eiffel Tower and setting off the sequence to send it crashing into the moon, and thought about her sold off son and how she got lucky not keeping him.

Klaus knows that Hargreeves knows why he went out last night and didn’t come back in until six in the morning. He didn’t even bother sneaking in (he hasn’t bothered with that charade for a long time); he just stumbled in the front door and collapsed on the floor for half an hour before he managed to drag himself to his room. The only reason he made it down to breakfast is because dear Vanya gets his ass up when she knows he’s been out all night. She’s only doing it because she wants to be in on something; she wants to be a part of someone in this fucked up family of theirs. Maybe she does actually care and wants Klaus to eat, to be present at breakfast so Hagreeves doesn’t ruin Klaus at training like he’s done before, but he knows she mainly does it because she enjoys not being pushed out the way for once.

Klaus should probably feel something about that but, honestly, all he can feel is the shudders starting to run through his body, already jonesing for another hit, another high.

Another thing Klaus should probably have thoughts and feelings about. Another thing Klaus doesn't give a shit about.

The others have left and he hadn't even noticed chairs scraping as they stood up, hadn't heard the sound of feet pattering away and back up the stairs.

Klaus has stopped pretending to eat, instead just pushing his food around the plate and slouching deep into the chair like he could sink into it and disappear if he wishes for it hard enough. It won't happen, obviously, and not just because that's impossible unless he magically managed to acquire Five's ability years after his disappearance/death—it won't happen because Klaus doesn't get the good things in his life. If there's a god, they've got a fucking hilarious sense of humour in the way they put Klaus through hell and back again.

Hargreeves is giving him _that look_. That look is one that Klaus knows well—it’s the look that says exactly where he’s staying tonight and probably all of tomorrow as well. The look that Klaus knows means he's going to hear a lot of dead people screaming very soon because he can't seem to behave and just do what he's told when he’s told. Once he's done his time down in the dark, Klaus will go out for another night out of debauchery and mindless vandalism, and then he'll come stumbling back to this hellhole of a home and start this day all over again.

Like he said, he doesn't bother explaining himself anymore. This never ending cycle is only half-seen by his siblings; they don't know what the other half is, what's happening when their backs are turned... or maybe they do and they just don't care, or they don't want their own specifically designed punishments to worsen because they decided to go out of their way for Klaus for once.

They might call each other brother and sister, but they don't protect each other like family should. They don't love each other like family should. They compete with each other to be the best, be better than what they are, be better for Sir. They're praised, loved and admired by the public (most of the time), but there's none of that once they've stepped in the mansion.

Klaus has managed to save up enough money to get a seedy studio above a seedy bar in the seedy, underbelly part of the city. He's sold parts of himself to get the amount he has, even if there were a few hiccups along the way, and he won't be coming back. One more time in the dark, one more breakfast after that, then he's gone.

He won't bother trying to explain that either.

**Author's Note:**

> Criticism is accepted but only if it's constructive. I accept any and all types of praise because I am a major slut for praise.


End file.
